Oxford University Association Football Club

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree). Matt likes having lots of shots, with the vast majority hitting unsuspecting defenders for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether I'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not 'cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and was once hit by a mini-bus after night out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and winds up the opposition by pinching their players during games.

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree) and whether or not his body would look better tanned (during gym sessions). Matt likes having lots of shots, with the vast majority hitting unsuspecting defenders for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether I'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not 'cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and was once hit by a mini-bus after night out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and winds up the opposition by pinching their players during games (you'll have to ask him where), claiming to enjoy it when they slap him back in the same place.

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree) and which parts of his body would look best tanned (during gym sessions). Matt likes having lots of shots, which always hit people for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white, milk bottle shaped thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether i'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and has pinched opposition players during games (you'll have to ask him where), claiming to enjoy it when they slap him in the same place in return.

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree) and which parts of his body would look best tanned (during gym sessions). Matt likes having lots of shots, which always hit people for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white, milk bottle shaped thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether i'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and has pinched other players during games (you'll have to ask him where), claiming to enjoy it when they slap him in the same place in return.

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree) and which parts of his body would look best tanned during gym sessions. Matt likes having lots of shots, which always hit people for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white, milk bottle shaped thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether i'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and has pinched other players during games (you'll have to ask him where), claiming to enjoy it when they slap him in the same place in return.

The team stash-man and all round screaming great northern chav, Matt is renowned for discussing both lads holidays (with James Doree) and which parts of his body would look best tanned during gym sessions. Matt likes having lots of shots, which always hit people for some reason. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established himself in a regular berth in the Blues team this season. Matt seems to have developed an irrational complex about his giant, white, milk bottle shaped thighs as the season has progressed. He now freely admits that the problem is getting out of hand and affecting his mental preparation on match days: 'All a can think 'bout before t'game is whether i'm gonna be left with t'little shorts out of t'kit bag or not cos they really chafe. I'm not right in me ed'.

MM also has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out. Matt would love his middle name to be '&' and has pinched other players during games (you'll have to ask him where), claiming to enjoy it when they slap him in the same place.

The team stash-man is renowned for discussing lads holidays with James Doree and having lots of shots which always hit people. Adept anywhere along the right-side of the pitch, Martin has arrived from York with a classy footballing reputation, if a sub-standard degree.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established for himself a regular berth in the Blues team this season. He has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out.

Renowned for discussing lads holidays with James Doree and the quickest uploading of facebook photos ever seen, right-sided Martin has arrived from York with a classy reputation.

Having impressed at trials 'M squared' has established a regular berth in the Blues team this season. He has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out.

Renowned for discussing lads holidays with James Doree and the quickest uploading of facebook photos ever seen, right-sided Martin has arrived from York with a classy reputation.

Having impressed at trials 'Double M' will be seeking to establish a regular berth in the Blues team this season. He has a penchant for lash, gay bars and being hit by mini-buses after nights out.